He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
