I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
