get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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