i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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