South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
