I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm passing your future prison.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize