Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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