Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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