they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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