I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize