I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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