Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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