If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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