He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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