Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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