morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
