Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
