Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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