umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
