I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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