The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
