i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
