Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
tell me about the eggs
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