Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
