If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
