So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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