i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
