I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
