It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
