is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
