I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
