haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize