I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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