i just google imaged poop.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize