yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
