Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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