FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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