New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
