just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Best friends brother. Beat that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
