New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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