just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
