i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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