Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
