No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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