tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize