What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I party with great urgency now.
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