how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
