Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
