i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
