i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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