you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
