Do you still have your period?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
