I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
