I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
