You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
