her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
