I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize