I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
