I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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