I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
