Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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