Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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