lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
