you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
