I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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