3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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