she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
