So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
