I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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