I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize