i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
