Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
