Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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