That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
