I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
