theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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