you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
