I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize