Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
