So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
