Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
