i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im having a threesome with these popsicles
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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