Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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