You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
